Self-Confidence: Tips to Becoming a Better You

We all have our insecurities. There are some insecurities that come across our minds every now and then while there are some that keep us from living a simple happy life. However, insecurities can be combated by self-improvement and self-confidence. 

I’ve been working on my self-confidence these past years because I want to be able to live my life without caring about what other people think. My confidence now is incomparable to how it used to be. It has grown immensely. I was able to accomplish this by seeking out advice on confidence and taking risks. Of course, I still do have insecurities but now I try to accept them as best as I can or fix them.

Becoming a self-confident person makes life simpler and easier. Here are some tips that I've learned from amazing people that have helped me get closer to becoming the person I want to be.  

No One is Perfect

For some, believing that no one is perfect is difficult because there are many people who try to look perfect on social media. Many girls surround themselves daily with pictures of Instagram models that post aesthetically pleasing photos of themselves and their lives.

Just remember that those pictures are made to look aesthetically pleasing. The lighting, the angle, the model’s position and her clothes, it’s all put together to fabricate an image. So basically, it’s probably all fake.

Actually, this doesn’t only apply to Instagram models. It also applies to people we see on a daily basis. No one wants to put a picture of themselves with their bed head and sweats on Facebook. We all post pictures on social media that we approve.

Just think of when you get tagged in a picture that you didn’t want to be put on social media. 

When it comes to social media, we only get to see what other people want us to see. This reminds me of the making of a movie. When producers and directors make a movie they try to portray a story using lights, angles, special effects, etc. It doesn't matter how fake it is as long as it looks real to the audience. 

Anyway, why would you want to be like these “perfect” people? Don't ever try to be someone that you're not. Be your genuine self. Comparing yourself to people that seem perfect will never make you feel better.

Becoming A Better You

To truly feel better about yourself you need to take control of your life and fix what you don’t like about yourself. There are certain insecurities that we obviously can’t fix. The best way to "fix" insecurities that we can't change is to embrace them. Sounds a little weird but it’s better than being self-conscious about them.

For those insecurities that you can change, if you want to change them, you can. It doesn't matter if they're physical or personality traits. If you want to get a new haircut, if you want to learn a new skill, if you want to talk to this guy, you can. It’s all up to you.

By working on yourself, you can change your insecurities into confidence. Self-confidence is a skill and all skills are learnable.

Confidence

By gaining confidence you will naturally become happier about yourself and your life because you will accept who you are. Self-confidence has a lot to do with how you perceive yourself. If you have self-confidence you do not see yourself as inferior or superior to others. You see the worth that God has given you and the worth he has given to others.

Humility

There is a mindset out there that ties confidence with pride. Self-confidence is more about knowing the truth about yourself and being humble. Knowing what you can do and what you can’t. It is about accepting your talents as well as your flaws. Confidence allows you to accept compliments when you deserve them and take criticism when you need it. In fact, when people shut down compliments it is because they have false humility.

Work on Your Flaws

Having insecurities is a normal part of life. Instead of blaming the world for having insecurities a confident person fixes them. To change our imperfections all we have to do is learn how to do it and put that into action. By working on your flaws, you will be able to get rid of obstacles that keep you from reaching your goals.

Sadly, one of the ways people take care of their physical imperfections is by plastic surgery. In my opinion, plastic surgery is too vain. It is better to keep ourselves looking the way God made us.

Be Beautiful Inside and Outside

It is not vain, however, to take care of yourself. What I mean by that is grooming yourself, wearing presentable outfits and taking care of your health. Taking care of your own physical needs shows that you respect yourself and that will bring others to respect you.

There are always simple steps that one can take to diminish any physical insecurities. One example of this is treating basic acne. Acne makes people self-conscious about their skin. By taking up a good skincare routine skin will no longer be a physical characteristic people would need to worry about. 

Taking care of our physical needs will improve the way we feel about ourselves.

Insecurities are not only physical. They can come from our personality or lack of skills. All you need to know is that your skills and personality traits are not permanent. For example, if you think you’re awkward and have a difficult time carrying out conversations, well you can fix that by reading books on communication. Personality traits and skills can always be changed and improved.

Like Brian Tracy says, “All skills are learnable”. If you set a goal to become better at a skill and you use self-discipline to work for it, you will be able to crush an insecurity and feel better about yourself.

Stick to Your Values

An important part of inner beauty that is sure to make you more confident is setting up values. When you set up standards for yourself and values that you want to follow you create self-respect. Your self-confidence will determine whether you follow them or not. 

Confident people don’t let the opinion of strangers or friends change the way they follow their values. Never break your values for anyone. Don’t change something you would do because there are people around you that may not like it.

I always think of this when I bless my food in public. I may be eating with people who are indifferent to religious values but I am not. I have to remind myself that I will bless that food no matter what!

God Made You

If you ever feel worthless remember that you are not. There is no need to put yourself down because God loves you and wants the best for you. I mean, He died for you. You are not worthless.

God made you with a plan in mind. You may not know what it is, I don’t either, but it’s true. God gave you gifts and talents that, with some shaping, can bring so much to society. Don’t bury your talents in the ground.

A great piece of advice that I’ve heard from Colleen Hammond is to never talk down or bad about yourself. As a charitable person you would never do this to others so why do it to yourself. We are our harshest critics but we all make mistakes. Refraining from talking negatively about yourself might be hard at first. If you ever make a mistake don’t tear yourself down. Cut yourself some slack.

Not only did God give you talents, He also gave you beauty. I don’t care what you say about your physical flaws, you are beautiful. Yes, some may think they have a bigger nose than what is desirable or that their body doesn’t look good in a certain style of clothing but if you think about it, human beings are remarkably beautiful.

There are so many creepy creatures out there that make any human look beautiful in comparison. I mean, imagine what the devil looks like. God made us beautiful.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Whether we like to admit or not we have the tendency to compare ourselves to others. I have the habit of looking up random celebrities on Pinterest and asking myself “How much do I look like her?”. I need to stop that because, like I’ve learned from Colleen Hammond, nothing good will ever come out of comparing myself to anyone else.

Think about it. By comparing yourself there can only be two outcomes.

a) I don’t have whatever success, beauty, friends, virtue, etc. that they have and I feel like I’m inadequate.

b) I feel better about myself because I have more success, beauty, friends, virtue, etc. than what they have. (Not very virtuous, cough, cough)

What does it matter if we do have more or less than what they have? We have all been brought up under different circumstances that comparing yourself to them is unfair. Everyone turns out different because we all have different childhood experiences, talents, preferences and temperaments.

The other day, I caught myself thinking, as I was looking at a successful lawyer on Youtube, “Wow, look at that successful lawyer. She must be happy with her career.” It made me feel bad about how I’m not a lawyer. Then I thought to myself “Wait, why would I want to be a lawyer? I took a law class in college and I hated it. Being a lawyer is not for me.”

There is only one person you can compare yourself to, your old self. That's actually a good thing because you can see if you’ve been progressing as life goes on. Have you accomplished one of your goals? Did you gain any new skill? Have you built good relationships? Asking these questions will help you see how far you’ve grown in the last few years. Now that is something you can be proud and thankful about.

If there are people you admire, what you can do instead of comparing yourself to them is to use them as an inspiration. Find out how they got where they got and try to implement their keys to success in your own life. Don’t seek to act just like them or be just like them but use their story as motivation. If they can do it, so can you.

Take Responsibility for Your Life

Confident people have their life in their own hands. They accept what they have and what they don’t have and they work on it. They don’t blame society or God for giving them a bad hand.

There are many people that started off worse than how we did and have ended up at the top. Some of these people include some of the greatest saints we know. For example, St. Augustine and St. Ignatius of Loyola ended up living amazing holy lives even though they were already invested in many distractions of the world during their adulthood. They went through a conversion when they had already developed bad habits but they succeeded at becoming saints.

St. Augustine

St. Ignatius of Loyola

By the grace of God, if they can become saints under those circumstances so can we. A good way to start working on yourself is by taking account of your weaknesses and your strengths. You have to take responsibility for what you’ve done wrong but also for the good you’ve accomplished.

Surround Yourself with Good People

Nothing can make you feel worse about yourself than having people you care about put you down. It’s important to surround yourself with family and friends that truly love you and want the best for you.

It’s critical to pick friends that lift you up, help you become a better person and that you can admire. Chose your friends wisely. Don’t get me started with your husband! 99% of your happiness in life will depend on the person you marry. If you are in a negative relationship develop the courage to leave and move on. Set your standards and follow them.

One very important piece of advice that I’ve carried around with me is that; if there is someone with a negative attitude in your life or someone that insults you, most of the times, there is nothing wrong with you because they are the ones with a negative outlook on life and they are the bitter souls. No one who is confident and charitable would ever insult anyone. Basically, they need some prayers.

However, keep in mind that there will always be people that don’t like you. Not everyone meshes well with everyone. So remember to always be your genuine self. Don’t let anyone stop you from being you.

Fake it till you Make it

If you still have trouble feeling confident on the inside, one thing you can do to become confident is fake it on the outside. People will perceive that you are confident and treat you like you are. This is will help you feel more confident in the meanwhile.

To look confident all you have to do is follow this advice from Youtuber nurberxo.

• Walk with your head held parallel to the ground (you will look more approachable)
• Make eye contact with people you a speaking to
• Speak with confidence (the faster you speak the more nervous you sound)
• Increase your vocabulary (read some books out loud)
• Be decisive when you make a decision (this shows you accept yourself and others will respect that)
• Don’t use “I don’t know.”, “I think…”, “I guess…”, etc.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

If you are in an environment that doesn’t help you grow you need to find something new to do or somewhere new to go. It doesn’t have to be like moving to a new city. What you can do is find a new and more challenging job. You can go out by yourself on a night where you were planning to stay in. Try to face some of the deepest and darkest fears that keep you from developing self-confidence.

Be Kind

Confident people are so sure about themselves that they want the best for other people too. Being charitable towards others is a sure sign of confidence. They don’t speak negatively about other people or about themselves. They are patient and forgiving. This is all because they are able to see a situation in different perspectives including their offender’s point of view.

What if there is someone who just offended you, that person might be having a bad day and might regret their actions afterwards. You never know what other people are going through. Just remember not to keep a grudge and know that if there are bitter people there is most likely something wrong in their life.

Be Your Best Self

By following these tips, I can guarantee you that your self-confidence will change. Improving your self-confidence will give you the freedom to be your best self, stop caring about what others think and feel better about yourself.

Becoming confident doesn’t happen overnight. It is a learning process that is totally worth it. I’m still going through this process. Time will pass either way so it’s better to set your mind up and get what you want.

- Beverly 💗